


Good Enough

by littlelino (taeyeongie)



Series: little!ateez [4]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Little Space, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23211199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeyeongie/pseuds/littlelino
Summary: San worries over his abilities to contribute to the group.
Relationships: Choi San/Everyone, Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Choi San/Kang Yeosang
Series: little!ateez [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1668769
Comments: 2
Kudos: 187





	Good Enough

San sighs, angry with himself. The group has been practising for hours on end, and San seems to be the only one making mistakes. It isn't like him; they always say he's one of their strongest dancers. But San knows it's not true, not really. He's inadequate—he has to practise well into the night to even catch up with their main dancers, his vocals aren't as stable as Jongho's or as pretty as Seonghwa's—he's really just kind of dead weight, dragging the group down.

"San, we're heading back to the dorm," Yunho's voice says. San looks up.

"You guys go ahead; I'm gonna stay."

Yunho frowns, and he's about to say something when Yeosang appears.

"You'll be doing no such thing," the brunet retorts, gently grabbing San by the arm and helping him up off the floor. "It's late, you need rest more than any of us."

"No, I don't, I need to practise," San insists, pulling away from Yeosang's grasp. Hongjoong makes his way over and puts a hand on San's shoulder.

"Sannie, you've been practising nonstop for days now. It's time to get some rest."

San just shakes his head. "No, hyung, if I stop practising now, then I'll never be good enough—"

And then he cuts himself off, tearing away from his friends' hands because _goddammit, they weren't supposed to know that_.

"You'll always be good enough, baby—"

"I'm not little, don't call me that," San snaps irritably, and Yeosang is visibly taken aback at the outburst. "Just go. I'm fine."

"No, you're not, San," Yunho protests. "Please, let us _help_ you."

"I don't _need_ help!" San shouts. "I'm 20 fucking years old! Leave me alone!"

"San!" Hongjoong exclaims, but the blond is already storming away, out the door, not even stopping to grab his jacket.

The truth is, San _knows_ why he's not good enough. He'll always be held back by _that_ part of him—the part of him that gets tired after nine o'clock and loses focus every ten seconds, the part of him that's three years old and drinks warm milk, the part of him that he hates so much.

That's why San hasn't let that part of him see the light of day in over a week. Even that time he came close to crying because he just _couldn't do_ this one move, he didn't let himself slip because he _can't_. He can't afford to be like that anymore. He's an _idol_ , for god's sake.

San runs, and runs, and runs, until he's out of breath and doesn't recognise where he is. The moon is shining above him as a cold breeze blows through. San shivers, remembering it's nearly winter and he's wearing short sleeves.

His brain kind of short circuits after that. Looking back, he knows why, but he finds himself feeling so, _so_ small all of a sudden, and he doesn't like it one bit.

He stops himself before he can call out for his hyungs. He doesn't need their help; he's a grown adult, he can figure this out himself.

But his mind isn't cooperating with him, it's shouting at him, _screaming_ for his hyungs, _where are they, need help, please—_

San shakes his head, hands fisting in his hair. He blinks. Why is everything so blurry?

Gasping for air, San claws at the front of his shirt, _too tight, can't breathe—_

A car honking throws him back into reality, and San realises he's still standing in the street. He tries his best to make his way quickly to the side of the road, but his legs feel like jelly. He collapses on the grass, pulling his knees to his chest, _lost, scared, please, hyungie—_

Vaguely, San registers his phone ringing in his pocket, can feel it buzzing against his leg, and he holds it with shaky hands, blankly staring at the screen for a moment before pressing answer.

 _"San-ah! San, are you okay?! Where are you?"_ Wooyoung's voice comes, obviously panicked.

San chokes on his sobs, wiping furiously at his eyes. "Y-Youngie..."

_"Baby boy, Youngie's right here, okay? I'm right here, just stay put. Can you tell me where you are, baby boy?"_

"Nn..." San whines quietly, unsure how he's supposed to tell Wooyoung anything when he just can't seem to make any words come out at all.

_"It's okay, baby boy, just stay with me, stay where you are. We're gonna come get you, okay? Hyungs are coming."_

San sniffs and puts his thumb in his mouth, wishing he had his paci with him.

 _"Baby?"_ Yeosang's voice comes next. San perks up.

"Ddangie!"

_"Baby, I'm here, we're coming to get you, all right? Hyungie loves you, baby, you know that?"_

"Love Ddangie!" The words come out a bit mangled and definitely stilted, but Yeosang chuckles, so it's okay.

_"That's good to hear, baby. Hold on, Hongjoong hyung wants to talk to you."_

"Mm!" San nods and waits.

_"Kitten?"_

"Joongie, Joongie!"

 _"Yes, it's me, kitten, it's hyungie,"_ Hongjoong says. _"We're all worried about you, kitten."_

"Nn..." San frowns, and his thumb goes back to his mouth (though he isn't sure when he took it out).

_"We aren't upset, kitten. We worry all the time, you know that. But don't be scared, kitten, we're on our way."_

"Kitten wait," San tells Hongjoong firmly, and smiles when he hears Hongjoong laugh.

_"That's good, kitten. Just hang tight."_

There are shuffling noises again, and then Wooyoung is back on the phone.

_"Yunho wanted me to tell you he loves you and wants to give you kisses."_

_"I called kisses first!"_ Yeosang's voice yells in the background. San giggles.

_"Baby boy, I think I can see you!"_

San's eyes widen, and he looks up, seeing a sleek black car approaching the curb. He waves both his arms, and grins when Yeosang leaps out of the (still moving) car.

"Baby!" Yeosang shouts, and San stands up on wobbly feet before immediately being tackled in a hug from the older boy. "Oh my god, I was so worried about you! Are you okay? Wooyoung said you'd been crying, and I didn't know what to do—"

"Ddangie," San says, and Yeosang pauses.

"You're okay?"

"Mm." San hums, leaning his head against Yeosang's shoulder.

"Baby boy!" Wooyoung calls, and then he's hugging them both as well, Hongjoong right after him.

They stay like that for a while, and to anyone driving past, they probably look like they're crazy, but that's okay. Then, when he notices San's eyes keep closing, Yeosang presses a feather light kiss to San's forehead, making the younger giggle.

"Come on, baby. Let's get you home."


End file.
